09 June 2011

I'd like to be a meteorologist. They can be completely wrong or completely right of the weather forecast but regardless, they get paid. Thank you for scaring me that I would be sitting through a thunderstorm for the rest of my existence or at least today... I need to learn how to not exaggerate so often.

I had the most severe stomach cramps in my entire life last night. I'm not sure if they were hunger pains or whatever. It was like all of the muscles in my digestive track were contracting all at once and weren't getting anywhere. I tried so many times to go to the bathroom, tried throwing up, tried falling asleep. Nothing subsided it. Luckily it finally went away. Mikey had the same symptoms all today, he's feeling a little better. He even went to the doctor because the pain was so extreme. I probably should've went so I could've gotten pain killers and muscle relaxers like he did. Damnit, I'm dumb. I also feel dumb for wondering which plans I should follow, the ones with my friends that I've been promising or the plan with Mikey. I want to sleep with him of course, but have been for about a week straight and I haven't seen Corie and have been blowing her off for quite some time. I hate making decisions, I'm so bad at it. He's reassuring me that I shouldn't ditch my friends. That's my problem, I don't know how to balance a relationship and a friendship. Tough shit.

I'm scared to get on the scale tomorrow. I reached my plateau weight. I wasn't sure when I would reach it but I didn't think it could be only 3 days after following this diet. I'm scared that I'm not going to drop any weight. I had 170 calories for breakfast/lunch and a full can of chicken noodle soup with low sodium and some crackers. I think I calculated my calorie intake during my last certification training and it's below 450 calories. After my major smoke sesh with whoever I'll probably eat a can of peaches. Ohoh backtrack, I'll take a sleepy pill then indulge in peaches, unless I fall asleep first lolol. Hopefully I'll fall asleep first. I keep thinking, "what if I get on the scale tomorrow and I haven't lost any weight?" I don't know why but my dinner I just ate really triggered it. I need to get a grip. A full can of soup was 150 calories, that's absolutely nothing. Not to mention it was basically all water since it's condensed soup. I wish I wasn't so crazy/all-over feeling today. I just need to relax. And even if I don't "lose" some weight I still have so much time to get down to 105.0 lbs by next Saturday. I'm doing a good job and I need to keep reminding myself that.

BTW I'm officially certified in all areas to start the actual part of my job! I just accomplished getting my First Aid certification through Red Cross. YAY! I feel like a good Samaritan now.


  1. Thank you for your encouragement. It scares me sometimes that I just don't ever want to wake up some days and face the reality that it's ANOTHER DAY of struggling to lose/maintain... it's so exhausting..

    I don't know how to balance friendships and relationships either.. I basically just ignore all of my friends for whomever I'm sleeping with at the moment.

    Congrats on your certification! I had to get CPR certified when I began my job as a case worker... :)

  2. D'aww, stupid weather folk... ¬¬
    And maybe the pains were something you both ate if you both had it.
    Friends and relationships are a tricky subject... I'm lucky in the sense Chris has made a huge effort to befriend my friends, but we still have evenings and days for each other. Your friends and your boyfriend will understand that you love them though, and if your thinking about it this much it shows you're making a conscious effort. Although, the most important person is you so don't let it get in the way of your studies/work.

    'Plateau' may be the worst word ever! That and 'buffering'. But by looking at your progress thing it seems you broke it, so high fives all round :)(stay safe)

    And congratulations! Hope your job goes well. :D