27 July 2011

Currently babysitting, go figure.
I want it to be tomorrow at this time. I want to look beautiful and stunning and I don't want it to rain in LG. It can rain here, just not in Lake George.
I'm going on a double date tomorrow with Mikey and our mutual friend Ryan and his girlfriend from Indiana. She seems lovely and she's so so beautiful. She's tan with long legs, and now I sound creepy so I'll stop. But she's the reason why I feel motivated to do my hair big or curly, she's the reason why I'm restricting right now and she's the reason why I want it to be tomorrow so I can stop stressing so much. God I'm fucked up in the head.
Not as fucked up as the new members on PT are though, fuckin' challenged, I swear to God.
It seems like every single damn time I log into Pretty Thin there's another 100 members that joined in an hour and there's more dieters and psuedo disordered eating fucks than there are normal disordered eating fucks. I don't know what I'm saying anymore, I'm just mad today. Really fucking mad. And sweaty. I wish I showered before I came here to babysit.

I think my problem is I need to smoke. I barely smoked yesterday and I haven't smoked yet today. I've only smoked 1 cigarette today and I'm stressing so hard for no reason. Between my jobs and my boyfriend and my family and trying to make everyone happy and trying to make money so I can be happy and live on my own and feel independent for once is really killing me. It takes a lot of hard work and no one seems to notice. I wish I got one day to just sit around and do the things I wanted to. Even if that means work out all day and tan all day and restrict all day and overdose on laxatives (which I did last night BTW, totally not fun). I wish my parents kind of picked up on that. Okay I just bought my daughter laxatives and now they're all gone and she's basically dying of stomach cramps and can't stop shitting blood, FUCK LET'S TAKE HER TO A HOSPITAL. Nope instead all I got was "Oh Kris, you should keep an eye on that" via text message. WTF? I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with the world anymore but I'm sick of it. I wish I could just become dictator and make everything better, lol.

Mikey just asked me if I wanted to an Adderall for Saturday. We're going to Schroon Lake for the night with my family at my aunt and uncle's camp. We'll be drinking all day since it's Riverfest and OF COURSE I WANT AN ADDERALL! An Adderall a day keeps the food cravings away, especially at a huge event like this. There's gonna be all sorts of goodies and I'll even be able to keep up in beer pong. I'll feel fucked up on it since it's a higher mg dosage I'm hoping. Not looking forward to sleeping in a tent with my sister and her boyfriend if it comes down to it, but oh well.

I had my Activia today and I'm pissed because I ate all of the strawberry one's first. They're only 120 calories as compared to the blueberry kind that's 130 calories (fuck). I did some exercise today and burnt 213 calories so far. I'll probably eat a sandwich to make my parents happy, smoke with Jason and Casey, do another 20 to 25 minutes of exercise and go tanning for a while. I'm free of Mikey tonight since he's staying with a friend to catch up and I'm okay with that.

I feel like a fat sweaty pig and I can't wait to get out of here...


  1. Just wanted to say thank you for your comment on my blog. It's realy great knowing I'm not the only one going through this. :) I'm happy I found your blog, you are a fantastic writer.


  2. You babysit almost as much as I do chick! Careful with the Adderral :( you know me- worrier! And PLEASE be careful with the laxies. Long story short- be bloody careful!! hahaha. Hope you're having a good day xxxx

  3. @ Lissy: lol ILY and always keep you in mind when it comes to drugs, it's just automatic now lolol. I'm trying to ween myself off of laxatives since that OD was really painful and not worth it

    @ Elizabeth: thank you tonsies! I've always wanted to write but lately I feel like no one wants to listen to me rant so I've been trying not to be ranty. unfortunately it's not working well lol.