15 August 2011

To all of my fans I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. Things have been happening so fast and I'm trying to keep up. Apparently I'm doing a pretty good job of that.

Just got on the scale less than 30 minutes ago since I woke up and to my surprise I'm down to 106.4 pounds. I don't even know how that's possible. Now I'm just scared I'm going to give in. I'm going to let myself eat something when I'm not hungry or I'm not going to exercise enough and then I'm going to fail myself, but I won't let that happen. I have my 1 and a half year anniversary with Mikey this upcoming Friday and I would love to be at 105 pounds, flat. Then I could just maintain until the school semester started or even better lose more, however, I won't push it. No one has made a comment (besides Mike) that I'm looking smaller and my parents I think are just giving up on weighing me. It's obvious that I'm not eating enough and making excuses to not eat their dinner and exercising as soon as I eat but they're not saying anything so I'm not either.

The Atmosphere concert was amazing, point blank. I danced and rolled (sort of) on ecstasy and was with great people and got some merch! Even though it doesn't fit me I don't care, I love wearing my band t-shirts as pajama shirts. I love knowing that the size small will still be too big on me... God I'm fucked up. And even though he didn't play my favorite song I guess I can't be mad at him for it. He has a lot of new shit that he needs people to hear and recognize so I won't be a hater. ANYWAYS!

I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to lose weight, which, now looking at it isn't true. I've been exercising a lot more on a daily basis and burning off at least one meal a day. I usually eat around 500 to 700 calories a day so burning off close to 400 will definitely do the trick. I just feel like I don't look small enough to be at 106.4 pounds I guess. I woke up and thought for sure I'd be at least 109, maybe a little less than that. My tummy doesn't seem as flat anymore and my hip bones aren't even hurting that much like they used to when I got down to around 112 about a year ago. Is it weird how the more I lose the bigger I feel?

By the way I passed my drug test with flying colors and start my perfect dream job on the 29th of August, which, isn't my first day or school because I only go to classes on Tuesdays Wednesdays and Thursdays. I can't fucking wait to be back at school. This school year is going to be parties and perfect grades and I'm planning on being at least 100 pounds by the end of 2011.

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on the new job! That's awesome! :)