18 October 2011

Only because I was asked to update my blog.

1 medium skinny vanilla latte - 130
1 bottle diet dr. pepper - 0
3 slices of ellios pizza - 345
about a bottle of regular pepsi - 200

I feel so fucking disgusting. I'm at 108.4 pounds at 5'5 1/2 feet and all I can dream about is being skinny. Being that perfect only skin and bones, sexy girl, with all of the nicest, finest clothes and living out the American Dream with death right around the corner. I wonder if I'd be this fucked up still if I just had the power to give up on trying to be beautiful and started to live in reality. Maybe I'll cut up some cucumber (8) and drink the broth from some vegetable beef soup (40?) because I'm disgusting to look at from my point of view (for eating so much) and everyone else thinks I'm disgusting to look at for "not eating enough".

Anyways, I got an 89 on my English midterm and an 84 on my SEE midterm. I thought I did way worse and actually cried after both exams and now that I got the grades back I'm not happy with them anymore. They're not A's and I don't want them.

I had a dream last night that Tupac was with me but we weren't living or breathing, we were talking and I was comfortable and if I could fall asleep forever just to be there, stuck, forever... I would.

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