10 January 2012

I haven't weighed myself recently. Mostly it's because I'm scared. I've been doing a lot of late night binging with Mike and last night I told him I'm giving up on that. It makes me feel like shit in the morning and even though I've been going to the bathroom at least once a day because of it... it makes me feel terrible the whole entire day basically to the point where I don't want to eat unless I'm binging.

I couldn't sleep much last night... I ended up getting close to 6 hours maybe. I took a Xenadrine this morning and I think I'm starting to feel it. I think I need to get my ass downstairs sometime soon and start doing some walking. I like burning the calories but hate following through the motions.

I don't know why I agreed to getting my hair trimmed today and going with my sister and mother. It's going to be awkward as hell and take forever. I'm already starting to think about somebody covering my shift tonight but I know that's just not feasible... nobody likes covering my shifts and no one can really cover Tuesday night shifts since everyone does bootcamp. It's not that I don't like my job, I just don't feel like going in today and having it break up my day.

I just had to spend $314 dollars on books. I wish my sister was awake so I could use her seller back information and hope to make a little money off of these motherfuckers. I'll be pissed when I don't get my books on time for class and I need them haha... there goes my semester right down the toliet!

Do I sound like I'm in a bad mood? I'm really not... I liked waking up super early to no alarm this morning. I like the feeling this Xenadrine is giving me since I haven't took it in so long.

My plan is to reach 100/double digits by the end of this semester. With my crazy schedule that actually might be feasible. Easy to lie to everyone about what I ate and not spending much time home to binge. I wonder if my school starts to notice they'll force me to take an educational leave and somehow they'll let me walk on time or something because of this leave. I guess that's not really rational thinking, lol. One of my professors already e-mailed me about field experience. Luckily my last host teacher is letting me use her. I have to do reading assessments on students and since she's a special education teacher I thought it would work almost too well lol.

I hung out with Liz and Shannen last night. FUCK, Shannen ate a shit ton of cupcakes. I mean, I didn't mind... it didn't bother me, and she's stunning but it's just crazy how much those girls can eat. After eating at least two cupcakes, a slice of cake and some cookies Liz was saying how "fat" she felt and how she wants to work out and shit and how all of this food isn't helping her. She claims she has terrible eating allergies but I've never seen her epi-pen and all she does is eat shitty food? It makes no sense to me. It was nice hanging out with them I guess... it's sort of the same shit me and Mike do though, I sit there and watch TV while they play a video game or something. We talked about some important things I guess but nothing too personal. I can't ever open up to people anymore it seems like, it's just all fake relationships I have with these people. Walters comes back tomorrow so it's probable that I'll be down in Albany again. I would love to hang out with Liz but sometimes it feels like a task and I know she'll want me to follow through with my plan on drinking with her... which I would but I don't really know... lol. So confused for no reason.

I guess I don't have much to bitch about.

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