07 January 2012

My body is really sore today... I think it's from moving around some furniture in my room and actually being active. I purged up a "safe" meal yesterday... it was only broccoli and talipa. It fucked me over because I binged on cheetos, goldfish and ice cream and a rice cake at around 11:45 until 12:30.

I still haven't ate yet today and I need to get ready sooner than later since Mikey will be coming back from his friend's and he's bringing me my coffee. I've been feeling like shit because I can't seem to drop this excess weight I gained and I think it's because my body is trying to go through it's womanly cycle. I should be getting it soonish since last month around this time I had it. I'm not looking forward too it.

Almost as much as I'm not looking forward to dinner tonight. Mikey told me his parents know I have an eating disorder even though he tried to drop the topic all together. We're having hamburgers and I don't want the bun and I don't want french fries. I fucked myself over by eating ice cream last night (which was delicious) but I promised that would be one of my "I don't eat this food this year" food's.

Now that I've started purging I find it becoming easier and more fluent. I can't seem to want to keep anything down and when I burped after binging last night it had throw up in it. I wish I could purge freely. I've been thinking about telling Mikey but decided that would be a really bad idea. He wouldn't take it lightly and last night he said "good thing you can't purge"... I said "yeah... thank God".

I'm a lying piece of shit and all I want to do is cry.

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