23 June 2011

I failed today. I failed so fucking hard all day today.

2 slices of pizza and 4 chicken wings with a roast beef sandwich and a serving of cheese balls. I fucking hate myself for binging right now but can't control it. Everything feels like it's spiraling. I don't want to see or hang out with anyone tomorrow and don't want to burden anyone. I just want to walk on the treadmill but I'm too much of a pussy to just stay downstairs. I don't want my parents to bitch that I kept them up all night like I always do. I'm just eating my emotions and already took two doses of my prescription laxatives, 3 fiber laxative pills and 3 ex-lax maximum strengths. I hope I have the worst stomach pains all night and I suffer. I'm going to wake up and be stronger tomorrow. I'm gonna stick to this diet even if it fucking kills me.

Why do I have to be so fucking crazy? Why was I born so fucking crazy?


  1. Aww girlie I know how you feel! I binged every night this week and cried myself to sleep. I was a total depressed mess but after a few days I felt a lot better. I know it seems tough right now but you'll get through it sweetie, I know it!

    You can do this girl, I believe in you!!! <3 much!!

  2. We all have our off days... hell sometimes off weeks! There's another blog I read and she was off blogger for a MONTH just bingeing and bingeing! She only gained three pounds though - so more power to her.

    You have the will-power to get through your diet. Do you count your calories? Realistically you probably only took in 1000 calories, if you are/going to purge them, you're probably doing just fine. :) Are you able to just go out and go for a walk instead of doing the tredmill?

    If you do go for a walk, please bring mace. :)

    Stay strong, pretty lady.