24 June 2011

I just e-mailed my second job telling them that I can't work for them because I'm mentally and physically fucked up basically. I feel like a fucking failure tonight and I shouldn't be allowed to have a job like that. I shouldn't be allowed to teach disabled children science when I can't even go a night without binging and purging. I can't go a day without restricting. I'd fucking die out there just like my dad told me I would. We all know I would just fucking die out there.

I've been e-mailing everyone under the sun tonight for possible babysitting jobs since my primary job is fucking me over. I work for the Center for Disabilities Services. Basically, I take care of people with disabilities inside of a home that they live at. I can't start going to the house that I plan on working at (they changed my residence 3 times already...) because of my getting jumped on Cinco de Mayo when my back got sprained and fucked up. I need to go to my doctor (one that I don't have mind you because I'm in the transition period of doctor's) and get a release that I can work. I wish I could just fucking sit in a corner and die right now. I had so many jobs and now I have none and no money to show for anything.

I couldn't finish eating the sandwich and chips but sure ate a huge bowl of strawberry ice cream with a cut up banana on top. I'm such a fucking fat ass failure that has nothing going for her. I'm fucked, I'm seriously fucked. I'm fucked up in the head and I'm going to sound like a failure when I have to explain to my mother and father exactly what's happening with all of these jobs.

I have no one to talk to right now... I never have anyone to talk to anymore.

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