Today was actually amazing given the circumstances.
The circumstances being that I'm over 110 pounds, this hasn't happened in I don't even remember when. I've been this weight for circa 3 days but have no idea why. As soon as I saw this on the scale I was determined to throw away all of the food I was made by my parents and whatnot. I decided since I'm starting training tomorrow and won't be home for dinner anyways that I should seriously consider 500 calories days or less again. I've been feeling like shit mentally due to this increase in weight. My plateau since December has been 107... I don't understand why it has to go up. Especially because I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative. Maybe it's my body trying to hold on to dear life what it has because my menstrual cycle is pissed. Like legit, my ovaries are probably yelling/taking control of my body. I'll have to research if things like this happen.
Today I went to Lock 7 which has all of these really sick bike/walking paths. I always used to go here when I was younger to either bike or hike with my family. My dad showed me all of the neat trails off of the bike/cement trail so I took Mikey and Ryan up there. I can't believe they never thought to walk through there when they were younger lolol. So sick there. We had a mini smoke sesh by this awesome creek. Then we found another spot that overlooked the creek we were just passing and sat on this huge boulder. It's the perfect smoking spot. We accomplished our mission to "get lost" even though there was no anxious feelings because we always remembered the way we came back. We must've walked for at least 2 miles. I just checked this thing I found since I'm so curious and apparently if I walked for 2 miles (which is just an estimate, kind of high balling it) at 3 mph I only burned 117 calories. This is really depressing. I'm hoping I can go on the tredmill tonight since I was forced to cook and make dinner. Not to mention I'm purging, I just took 4 of the ex lax chocolate chews (which don't work as well as the pills... super upsetting).
My goal is to hit 105.0 pounds or less by the time the reunion party comes around! The date planned thus far is June 18th, 2011. It's going to be sick. We've been saving up the ecstasy we got for this time because me starting my training and everyone's schedule being totally off whack from each other it just wouldn't work out. I'm really excited to see the 202 boys again and more than likely a lot of New Paltz and NJ folks. Maybe people will be coming around for this party... who knows! All I know is that I want to look amazing and get down to my plateau weight by the end of this week so then I can get down to my goal weight. I need to stop fucking this up and kick my ass back into full gear. I've been hating waking up and looking at myself because of this weird bloating, nasty look my stomach has. I even hid my stomach from Mikey's parents and brother's girlfriend because I was just so disgusted in myself. All I can think about each morning I wake up is "wow Kristen, you feel and look terrible... when did you start to lose control of yourself?" "wow Kristen, you really packed on the pounds in the past couple of days, you're really fucking up" I know this is all bad but I can't stop it. I'm hoping this little burst of motivation will help me succeed in my UGW of 98 pounds (for now). I want to start my summer camp looking skinnier and sexier than any of the counselors there! I know I can do this I just need to stick to a plan.
I won't promise myself that I'm going to go to the gym everyday. But I do promise myself that I will eat under 500 calories unless I'm forced to eat with Mikey. I refuse to eat after 10 P.M. and I definitely refuse to eat on my own. If I do eat anything I will only allow myself fruits or vegetables. No junk food, I'm trying not to even drink my calories anymore. I know I can do this, I don't want to feel gross for the rest of my life. Starting tonight, I'm holding myself to this... wish me luck!