05 July 2011

So I was forced to wake up so fucking early today, I ended up not minding it too much because it was beautiful outside today (and finally got to enjoy some sun) and I got to do my 30 minutes of speed walking and 20 minutes of tanning. The shitty part was that I was forced to eat a Dunkin' Donuts plain bagel with cream cheese. It's better than eating the donuts that Mikey and Walters were snacking on. I'm going back there tonight for yet another sleepover, I'm hoping my medicine will kick in before then.


I hope I'm not forced to eat breakfast tomorrow, especially something as shitty as that bagel. It took me 30 minutes to walk off just the bagel... I need to stop freaking out about it though. I took 2 Xenadrine before digging in, maybe that'll help like it claims it does. I plan on taking my Acai Berry Cleanser tonight since I missed those pills this morning.


My mom just went grocery shopping and my grandma made gaulash for dinner, which is my absolute favorite. I'm trying to do anything possible to either get away with only eating one bowl or not eating it at all. I don't see any better low-cal options for food though. Maybe I'll force myself to stay away, but I feel like I'm not strong enough anymore. I'm just a fat piece of shit and I'll never be able to be skinny ever again. I know that's not true I just need to work harder, I need to keep saying "no" instead of "yes" now. I need to be like how I was in the beginning of the relationship with Mikey were I always turned down food when I was in front of him. I need to keep restricting, I need to start increasing my workout times, I need to just keep pushing forward. I really want to weigh between 105-103 pounds by the end of July so I can cruise through August and hopefully reach double digits. I need, I need, I need.


I'm hoping I get high enough to just pass out and not have to take a trip to Quail Mart with the boys so I don't end up buying gummy bears. I refrained last night, I know I can do it again.

5 comments:

  1. You are strong enough! You can do this! Don't give up on yourself. Just a tip though, 1 plain glazed donut has a lot less calories that 1 bagel with cream cheese. And since it looks super unhealthy, everyone will assume you are eating just fine.

    Stay strong! You will get through this!

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  2. I am sharing your goal of 103-105lb by the end of July. I was almost there the other day as you saw, but after 3 days of getting up at 6am for work, eating weird times and not having time/energy to work out properly, my metabolism is shot and I'm sure my body is holding onto everything I eat :( I was so close as well. I have gained around 2lb in 3 days.

    But we can do it, hon, we are strong enough!

    Love AJ xx

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  3. The cleanser is just a laxative love. Honestly, its just going to flush out water weight and undigested whatever you ate. I take lax teas, which are [pretty much the same thing.

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  4. aww, i'm sorry about that bagel! i hate being forced to eat food, especially terribly fattening/junky food. but at least you worked it off! i just found your blog, it's so darling. you seem like a lovely person :) keep working hard! july is a good month for weight loss, and that way august will be an easier month for you to relax :) while staying thin, of course!

    xx,
    piper

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