12 July 2011

So much has happened in one day it's incredible.

I'll start by saying goodbye PT, it was nice knowin' ya.
As much as I loved PT and everything it stood for, I knew it was going to break apart eventually. The arguments between the site owner and his finest members pushed the limits though. After having to deal with terribly vague rules and tip-toeing around everyone's judgmental comments I finally switched to THIN. I'm excited to get more involved with THIN after building up my friends list again. It would be perfect if my friends list moved from PT to THIN just like my profile picture, about me and signature. It's amazing how many members from PT have already joined and continue to comment and create threads. I hope this change is for the better and the drama can be minimal now that we have legitimate rules to follow. Not to mention the owner of the THIN site "Luna" was a complete doll on PT. For all of those who followed me through PT be sure to include yourselves on THIN and add me as a friend!

I don't know if it was the pills talking but I gained some sort of confidence throughout yesterday.
After babysitting I did my usual routine and then Mikey came over with some Oxy's for us to split throughout the night. First we went to Jason's ex-boyfriend's house (Chris). Although I didn't like Chris by the end of their relationship I know it means a lot for Chris and I to be civil. I don't think Chris deserves Jason that much but he seems to be proving himself. Chris and I had conversations that didn't even include Jason and they weren't awkward or forceful like they used to be. I felt okay and somewhat comfortable sitting in his house, even though it was overheating lol. I hope that Jason finds what he's looking for out of talking with Chris again. I pray to God that they don't move too fast though. I don't think I can deal with Jason up and leaving me again for him. Especially seeing how much Chris had hurt him emotionally and physically. I won't be able to put up with that. I have enough to deal with and so does Jason, he should know better than to fall back into that. I'm talking with Jason and he's touched that I could say such nice things about Chris. I give credit where credit is due, essentially. I just hope this motherfucker doesn't turn back into the old him. After Mikey straightened things out with some kids we headed up towards his house to drop off money to our friend and then head to his other friends house. I never felt a mutual friendship before with most of these people but I'm starting to. I'm starting to talk with them more and laugh and have serious conversations with them. It's nice to get high and be able to talk with people, rather than, just sitting in a crowded garage listening to boys talk about whatever. I talked with Alex about his shoulder since he just got surgery done and his love for bowling and how he won't be able to smoke since he's running out of money and isn't allowed to go back to work. I truly feel bad for him. He's such a nice kid. I hope his doctor's will allow him to do some clerical work in the meantime. I talked with Mike about Ketamine, scary scary drug. But he's sort of into it. He sounds super excited for Mountain Jam, I don't blame him. I talked with Moritz and how he needs to plan a party when it's convenient for Mikey and I since we missed his last couple of parties. I love that house and the people that get invited, always a good time. This conversations made me realize that people do take interest in me and that I just need to be more open. I need to talk with people about real life things so I don't drive myself crazy. I plan on keeping this confidence, somehow.

After all of that, Mikey showed me to a good time. I feel bad for bitching about not getting off the other night when he did because he definitely made up for it. This might be a little too much for people, but it was just so damn amazing. We both knew he wouldn't be able to get off no matter how hard we both tried because he was on so many pills but, he still continued to pursue me and it worked. After he cuddled with me the whole night and after saying something like "it's all my fault you can't get off, I'm not pretty enough" he stopped what he was doing, literally pulled me up into his arms and kissed me as long and hard as possible. He told me that it's not my fault and it could never be my fault. It was weird, we kept kissing each other and just couldn't stop. I didn't know how to stop. It was like you could tell how much we loved each other with every kiss we gave each other. It was so nice and refreshing since we've been having petty arguments lately. I think everything will be back to normal until we get back to school. We usually have terrible arguments whenever there's a change in our lives, we're used to that though. We're only human and we love each other to stay with each other, that's more than a lot of couples can say.

So, I got paid in advanced today. The 25 dollars for the day was upfront by Meghan before she left for work. I can't believe I'm getting paid to sit on my ass with two of the cutest dogs on my laptop with free internet access and drinks I want. Nate's such a great baby but I doubt I'll play with him often. Unfortunately he goes down for a nap before I get here and stays down for a decent amount of time. His dad gets out of work at 5 and was home before 5:30 yesterday. Nate usually wakes up between 4:30 and 5:00. Who knows, maybe some days I'll get lucky enough and he'll be awake so we can go outside and I can burn a few extra calories.

Time for me to start thinking about polishing my nails since I've been neglecting them lately. Tonight I'm sleeping at Mikey's, but before I head over there I plan on doing my walking. I'm hoping to at least do 25 to 30 minutes. Tanning's on my list as well since I've been just using the tanning lotion. I'm trying to stay under 300 calories today, however, haven't eaten so far. I don't think I want to eat. I didn't have enough time to get on the scale today before I left, which is probably an okay thing. Maybe today will be a fasting day? Who knows.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you with the confidence thing, sounds like you had a really good evening. I wish I could gain some confidence to mix better with people, especially as I've been so lonely lately - do have a couple of social things planned over the next week, I'm gonna try extra hard to relax...

    Also lovely that you and Mikey are getting on better and had a special time. I hope it continues that way for you darling.

    Thanks for your comments on my posts the last few days, I'm totally psyched about my house, and will defo keep you updated on how I fit it out!

    Love AJ xx

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  2. The PT shit is mental ey.

    Lady you better not be thinking about doing Ketamine btw?

    I babysit a lot too! It is great to get paid to watch someone else's TV :D how old is Nate?

    The main family I babysit for have a 3 year old who is pretty much the most gorgeous little thing I've ever met, I've known him since he was 1 and he's just too sweet for words!xxxThe PT shit is mental ey.

    Lady you better not be thinking about doing Ketamine btw?

    I babysit a lot too! It is great to get paid to watch someone else's TV :D how old is Nate?

    The main family I babysit for have a 3 year old who is pretty much the most gorgeous little thing I've ever met, I've known him since he was 1 and he's just too sweet for words!xxx

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  3. omg, at first I thought you meant you babysit dogs! and I was like... that's a rich ass family you work for! then you said something about nate. lol. whew! i was worried you working with the queen of england or something. haha.

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  4. @ AJ: I know you can totally find confidence within yourself, you've come so far and I've only been following a matter of like what... two weeks? It seems like you have a lot on your plate and you're dealing with it so well, give yourself some credit girl!

    @ Lissy: no no no no! I could never do Ketamine, that stuff sounds/looks so creepy. I wouldn't want to be a living zombie anyways, that doesn't seem too fun. Lol it's so nice to get paid to talk to you guys via Blogger and update on everything :P Nate's only 15 months old, he's such a sweetheart!

    @ Camille: imagine? I'd love to dogsit for the queen even if she didn't pay me 25 dollars a day! haha

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  5. Aw thanks hon, my problem is that my emotions can run away with me and I worry sooooo much about everything, too much about what other people think and lose sight of what I have and am... The really silly thing is that I *know* this, but still I am painfully self-conscious and very serious and prone to not being able to see the wood for the trees. Screwy, much.

    Hope you are having a positive day sweetie,

    Love AJ xx

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