105 lbs

I know I should eat breakfast. I haven't slept in two solid nights. I only had a bowl of cereal with skim milk yesterday morning before taking another XR Adderall. I've been working so hard on this project that I probably won't do well on, get ready for school, drive to school, finish my last simulation and hand in my project, finish a presentation and a chapter summary, present my final project and stay awake the rest of the day for work but I just can't.

My grandfather died today around 2 A.M. My father who has been visiting him with my aunt called my mother this morning around 4:30 A.M. to tell her the news. He told my mom that 10 minutes before he died he rang for the nurse and told her to clean him up and shave him because he has places to be and people to see. He died shortly after the nurse finished. Yesterday he was rambling a lot, saying how much he loved my dad and aunt. In between these remarks he was calling his mom's name and kept saying "yes Jean I'll be right there". My grandma Jean (his first wife) died in 1993 from lung cancer too. I wish I could have just said goodbye to him. I wish I could have appreciated my time with him when he came to visit after I graduated.

Rest in peace grandpa. I know you're probably not happy with the promise I made to myself but I'm volunteering myself. Please save me.

"And if I make it out this thug life I'll see you again someday..."