I made a promise to myself that after my grandfather passes I would be the next in line to follow. I don't want to live in this world anymore and I don't feel worthy enough. I'm constantly laughed at by my "optimistic" and "unrealistic" dreams. I probably won't be able to graduate on time. I'm starting to become emotionally detached from everything and everyone. I can't sleep at night anymore. I'm watching all of the people I love be more upset and in more pain and they don't listen to me. They don't attempt to make things better and it's killing me.
I just wish this process would go faster.