Haven't weighed myself in a while because I refuse to OD on laxatives anymore and I haven't really gone to the bathroom properly. I could shoot myself for constantly doing this back and forth. I've been in so much pain and on top of it I'm quite sick with something I've had for about a month now. No one can figure it out, I'm assuming it's bronchitis.

I have to stop smoking when Mikey gets back this Friday... for good. I know I can do it but I just love smoking so much I can't help it. I'm going to be high for a really long time I'm assuming because of this quitting action. Oh well.

I'm really pissed off at work. They called me twice this morning to tell me bullshit. I work tomorrow (double shift) from 9 to 1 and then I'm hoping someone will compromise with me and I'll only have to work for 3 hours instead of 4. I love kids and babysitting and all of this but when I'm sick I really shouldn't be all over them and cleaning the toys they lick continuously.

I want my final grades back and see my GPA sky rocket. I probably won't get straight A's I just have this feeling I won't. Oh well.

I wish I had more Kolonipin I could take today. The rest are Mikey's so it's impossible to get around that. I wish I had some Adderall, anything fun basically. I'm sick of being sober and lonely. UNLESS! I'm in my new room, because it's fantastic and basically done. Lime green walls with black furniture and a zebra comforter. I'll have to take pictures to show everybody how sexy it is.

I only ate some cereal and just now had some soup. I'm not really hungry because I'm so backed up but when I'm home while everyone else is I'm forced to eat a little something. I have no motivation to go on the treadmill or go tanning, even though I promised myself I'd do both over break... oh well.

Gonna do more Christmas shopping in between my shifts tomorrow and check up on the kittens at Mikey's house. He's gone for a few more days and comes home on Friday night from Michigan to visit his brother. I miss him a lot. This short break keeps reminding me of marriage and I don't know why. I even looked at wedding dresses... this is so not like me. I know we won't get married or even engaged anytime soon but I would love to spend the rest of my life with him even if he is a pain in the ass. I wanna see his dreams come true more than more.

On a darker note I was volunteered to speak at my grandfather's service that's coming up at the end of January. I don't know why this is always my job whenever someone dies. I don't really mind it because it forces me to stay strong and not cry throughout it since I don't want people to see how ugly I look crying. I want to pick out a sermon that makes sense for him and for me though. Nothing too big of words and nothing over the top. This is going to be hard.

Is it Friday yet?