28 December 2011

I really wanted to write last night but completely forgot about what, therefore, I suck. I was on Valium and feeling like a boss smoking a dutch and having all of these intense thoughts and now all I can think about are these stomach cramps and how it seems like I'm going to be restricting myself until the beginning of the new semester and throughout. Just thinking about how much work I'm going to have to get through and somehow perfect is already stressing me out... school doesn't commence until January 17th. You'd think I would be able to give myself a break?

Christmas was lovely. Christmas dinner was amazing. I ended up leaving not completely guilty but somewhat... I shouldn't have had that last piece of chocolate covered fruit for sure. The chocolate canoli was to die for. Now I don't feel the urge to binge (although it could be because of the small candy binge at Mikey's and the mini candy binge last night). I'm thinking about throwing away all of the candy in my stocking since I've ate enough and don't know how to handle myself.

I finally get my room back and I'm quite excited since it's redone. I have to organize my new dresser with all of my new clothes in it. I need Plato's to give me money and take back some clothes but have to wait until the end of January to do so... fuck them for only wanting Hollister, Abercrombie and all of those fancy places no one can actually shop at.

I don't really want to sleepover at 202 tonight but know I'll probably be forced somehow. I just want to relax in my own room and put up my framed posters (don't bother asking) and restrict freely. I know if I go down there there's going to be a lot of smoking, a lot of awkwardness and a depression when I have to sleep in Colin's bed knowing that he's probably never coming back for good. It's a shame the type of people I've become associated with when I know I could have amazing, good-to-do people in my major that would befriend me. Oh well, all in due time I won't be concerned about having no friends. Probably when I'm stuck at college for one final semester and be unable to graduate with my class.

I wish Barnes and Noble had my book I wanted when I went there... fucking assholes.

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